1. I broke up with my boyfriend of 3 years.
I would like to preface this section by saying that I am not posting this to hurt his feelings. I am very thankful for the things I learned about relationships in the last three years and I think it is/was an important part of my story. I am posting this because I felt led by the Spirit to end this relationship and have seen blessings from that.
Last spring I felt like I needed to break up with my ex-boyfriend, but I kept praying that that wasn't the case. I had just started pulling together ideas for a wedding that was to happen in 2013. I kept pleading with the Lord to show me if he really wanted me to break up with my boyfriend. I felt that he did want me to, but I couldn't bring myself to do it.
Prior to me coming home for summer, CSF (the Christian Student Fellowship) had a girls night where all girls were welcome. We sat in a giant circle and talked about lots of things. As girls often do, we arrived to the topic of boys. Two girls were kind enough to share that they had either a. been engaged or b. discussed and planned on marriage with their boyfriends, but upon the Lord's leading, they ended the relationships. They both had seen so many blessings from this. I continued to fight the idea that I would have to break up with my boyfriend.
I thought maybe if I became detached to my boyfriend, I could break up with him, but as soon as I got home and saw him instead I had this awkward painful feeling. It was like a shadow of the former happiness that seeing him used to bring me. I thought if we made it through the summer we would be good. Maybe God wouldn't want me to end this relationship. Needless to say, whenever I was with my boyfriend I felt pretty miserable.
The last week before going back to Savannah, I helped out at my high school's retreat as a chaperone and got to have two conversations. One, with my darling dear friend from high school. Her advice was to question whether or not being in a relationship with my boyfriend caused me to grow as a believer. Two, a conversation with my boyfriend's sister. The first conversation left me convinced that the Lord was leading me to break up with him. The second conversation made me confused.
To speed this whole process up, in September I broke up with him. It was awkward and difficult. Without the Lord's strength, I could not have done it. I called him and I sat on the curb by my dorm. We talked for 20 minutes, and the conversation ended with both of us sobbing on the phone. I tried to go to sleep afterwards and couldn't sleep. Luckily, I was blessed my the companionship of my roommate, and two of my really good friends. We just hung out and laughed about nonsense. The next three days were difficult because I knew I had done the right thing, but it felt so weird that I wanted to call him back and tell him I was just kidding. I was really worried about him.
But I didn't. I didn't call him. And after the third day the Lord's peace washed over me.
To fast forward to now, we're still broken up, and it's going to stay that way. We talk occasionally. He shocked me and flew out to Savannah in October. I wasn't happy about that, but we got to talk and he got closure which was good.
But the Lord has blessed me with peace. He has given me a hope for a future. He has blessed me with so many brothers and sisters who love and care for me. He is so good and has my well-being in his concern.
Now, I'm trying to figure out how to glorify God in relationships. It's weird because the last time I was single I was 16. Now, I'm trying to not go back to my high school idea of singleness and dating. It's been difficult. I want to be a good sister to my brothers. I'm trying to figure out what that looks like, but I know it's me becoming a godly woman.
I'm excited for whatever the Lord has in store. I'm excited to have a godly man pouring wisdom, and love into my life from the Lord, and allowing me to do the same for him. I'm excited for the good things, and I'm excited to work through the difficult things to glorify God.
Mostly, I'm thankful for the blessings the Lord has poured out on my life. He has been so kind to me, a wretched sinner with a wandering heart. He has given me a peace and given me time to love my friends. Yes.
Psalm 139:23-24, NLT
"23 Search me, O God, and know my heart;
test me and know my anxious thoughts.
24 Point out anything in me that offends you,
and lead me along the path of everlasting life."
I would like to preface this section by saying that I am not posting this to hurt his feelings. I am very thankful for the things I learned about relationships in the last three years and I think it is/was an important part of my story. I am posting this because I felt led by the Spirit to end this relationship and have seen blessings from that.
Last spring I felt like I needed to break up with my ex-boyfriend, but I kept praying that that wasn't the case. I had just started pulling together ideas for a wedding that was to happen in 2013. I kept pleading with the Lord to show me if he really wanted me to break up with my boyfriend. I felt that he did want me to, but I couldn't bring myself to do it.
Prior to me coming home for summer, CSF (the Christian Student Fellowship) had a girls night where all girls were welcome. We sat in a giant circle and talked about lots of things. As girls often do, we arrived to the topic of boys. Two girls were kind enough to share that they had either a. been engaged or b. discussed and planned on marriage with their boyfriends, but upon the Lord's leading, they ended the relationships. They both had seen so many blessings from this. I continued to fight the idea that I would have to break up with my boyfriend.
I thought maybe if I became detached to my boyfriend, I could break up with him, but as soon as I got home and saw him instead I had this awkward painful feeling. It was like a shadow of the former happiness that seeing him used to bring me. I thought if we made it through the summer we would be good. Maybe God wouldn't want me to end this relationship. Needless to say, whenever I was with my boyfriend I felt pretty miserable.
The last week before going back to Savannah, I helped out at my high school's retreat as a chaperone and got to have two conversations. One, with my darling dear friend from high school. Her advice was to question whether or not being in a relationship with my boyfriend caused me to grow as a believer. Two, a conversation with my boyfriend's sister. The first conversation left me convinced that the Lord was leading me to break up with him. The second conversation made me confused.
To speed this whole process up, in September I broke up with him. It was awkward and difficult. Without the Lord's strength, I could not have done it. I called him and I sat on the curb by my dorm. We talked for 20 minutes, and the conversation ended with both of us sobbing on the phone. I tried to go to sleep afterwards and couldn't sleep. Luckily, I was blessed my the companionship of my roommate, and two of my really good friends. We just hung out and laughed about nonsense. The next three days were difficult because I knew I had done the right thing, but it felt so weird that I wanted to call him back and tell him I was just kidding. I was really worried about him.
But I didn't. I didn't call him. And after the third day the Lord's peace washed over me.
To fast forward to now, we're still broken up, and it's going to stay that way. We talk occasionally. He shocked me and flew out to Savannah in October. I wasn't happy about that, but we got to talk and he got closure which was good.
But the Lord has blessed me with peace. He has given me a hope for a future. He has blessed me with so many brothers and sisters who love and care for me. He is so good and has my well-being in his concern.
Now, I'm trying to figure out how to glorify God in relationships. It's weird because the last time I was single I was 16. Now, I'm trying to not go back to my high school idea of singleness and dating. It's been difficult. I want to be a good sister to my brothers. I'm trying to figure out what that looks like, but I know it's me becoming a godly woman.
I'm excited for whatever the Lord has in store. I'm excited to have a godly man pouring wisdom, and love into my life from the Lord, and allowing me to do the same for him. I'm excited for the good things, and I'm excited to work through the difficult things to glorify God.
Mostly, I'm thankful for the blessings the Lord has poured out on my life. He has been so kind to me, a wretched sinner with a wandering heart. He has given me a peace and given me time to love my friends. Yes.
Psalm 139:23-24, NLT
"23 Search me, O God, and know my heart;
test me and know my anxious thoughts.
24 Point out anything in me that offends you,
and lead me along the path of everlasting life."
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