A few months ago I was confronted with a dilemma from a fellow believe: intergenerational connection within the body of Christ. To put it simply: going to church.
Sunday morning, ages 1-92, bulletins. You know the drill.
This is something I am working through. I've gone to the International Presbyterian Church several times. The pastor there, Terry Johnson is a wise man, and has many things to say that are beneficial to my life. Today I went to Bull Street Baptist. And this evening as I was trying to fall asleep I was curious why church bothers me so much.
Not the collective gathering of Christians, but church. This weekly get-together with a format, the same people, the same sinful pastor, the patterns, the organization, the disagreement, the doctrine, the theology, the worship...
I fear church. I fear going to the same place every Sunday. For some reason this bothers me. My first surface answer is this: complacency. I am terrified that I will not be challenged to grow by attending church. That Sunday morning will only serve as a time for people to see I'm being a good Christian girl. I feel that so much happens outside of that intergenerational meeting time. That there's other opportunities for that connection. I view Sunday morning worship as this necessary drudgery to being a Christian. I have not been able to shake that feeling in a very long time.
College groups are fine. I enjoy that. It's so personal. Everyone is in everyone's lives, and there's not this fake happiness and interest. The lighting is mellow, and not dramatic or harsh in anyway. People crowd into a room to hear the good news. It's so comfortable. It's so friendly. But then in a church building, there are pews. There are pulpits. There are altars. And it feels so fabricated, so man-made. This organic, pure sense of worship feels lost. I love the songs, the message, but something in the presentation, the way we're seated, the way we relate to each other, seems off. It seems wrong.
This is something I am working through. So know that the things I am saying are not biblical, are not attacking the church. But simply things that I am wondering. Thoughts that are causing me to ask questions, and seek answers. I know that God will guide me in this as I continue to search out answers.
"Ask, and it will be given to you; seek, and you will find; knock, and it will be opened to you. For everyone who asks receives, and the one who seeks finds, and to the one who knocks it will be opened. Or which one of you, if his son asks him for bread, will give him a stone? Or if he asks for a fish, will give him a serpent? If you then, who are evil, know how to give good gifts to your children, how much more will your Father who is in heaven give good things to those who ask him!" Matthew 7:7-11
These verses have been bouncing around in my head, and I feel they relate to what God is going to do with this church situation. God is working in me. These verses also apply to another struggle I have been encountering at least the last 14 years of my life: honoring and respecting my parents. On one hand I love my parents, on the other I loathe them. I use the term parents to describe my mother and father (step-parents not included).
I do not honor and love my parents the way I should. Specifically my mother. I constantly am letting people know her misgivings and shortcomings in my life, and the life of my family. Because of this my heart is very hardened towards her, and any sign of love or affection she shows. I am suspicious of her gifts, actions and words. All of these things are not biblical, right or loving in the way of Christ.
I ask that those who read this would pray for me to seek the Lord's guidance and love.
Sunday morning, ages 1-92, bulletins. You know the drill.
This is something I am working through. I've gone to the International Presbyterian Church several times. The pastor there, Terry Johnson is a wise man, and has many things to say that are beneficial to my life. Today I went to Bull Street Baptist. And this evening as I was trying to fall asleep I was curious why church bothers me so much.
Not the collective gathering of Christians, but church. This weekly get-together with a format, the same people, the same sinful pastor, the patterns, the organization, the disagreement, the doctrine, the theology, the worship...
I fear church. I fear going to the same place every Sunday. For some reason this bothers me. My first surface answer is this: complacency. I am terrified that I will not be challenged to grow by attending church. That Sunday morning will only serve as a time for people to see I'm being a good Christian girl. I feel that so much happens outside of that intergenerational meeting time. That there's other opportunities for that connection. I view Sunday morning worship as this necessary drudgery to being a Christian. I have not been able to shake that feeling in a very long time.
College groups are fine. I enjoy that. It's so personal. Everyone is in everyone's lives, and there's not this fake happiness and interest. The lighting is mellow, and not dramatic or harsh in anyway. People crowd into a room to hear the good news. It's so comfortable. It's so friendly. But then in a church building, there are pews. There are pulpits. There are altars. And it feels so fabricated, so man-made. This organic, pure sense of worship feels lost. I love the songs, the message, but something in the presentation, the way we're seated, the way we relate to each other, seems off. It seems wrong.
This is something I am working through. So know that the things I am saying are not biblical, are not attacking the church. But simply things that I am wondering. Thoughts that are causing me to ask questions, and seek answers. I know that God will guide me in this as I continue to search out answers.
"Ask, and it will be given to you; seek, and you will find; knock, and it will be opened to you. For everyone who asks receives, and the one who seeks finds, and to the one who knocks it will be opened. Or which one of you, if his son asks him for bread, will give him a stone? Or if he asks for a fish, will give him a serpent? If you then, who are evil, know how to give good gifts to your children, how much more will your Father who is in heaven give good things to those who ask him!" Matthew 7:7-11
These verses have been bouncing around in my head, and I feel they relate to what God is going to do with this church situation. God is working in me. These verses also apply to another struggle I have been encountering at least the last 14 years of my life: honoring and respecting my parents. On one hand I love my parents, on the other I loathe them. I use the term parents to describe my mother and father (step-parents not included).
I do not honor and love my parents the way I should. Specifically my mother. I constantly am letting people know her misgivings and shortcomings in my life, and the life of my family. Because of this my heart is very hardened towards her, and any sign of love or affection she shows. I am suspicious of her gifts, actions and words. All of these things are not biblical, right or loving in the way of Christ.
I ask that those who read this would pray for me to seek the Lord's guidance and love.
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