A Day in the Life

So, I'm a college kid. I don't shower before class on Tuesday and Thursday mornings and I wear the same backwards ball cap to class every time. It's the only ball cap I like.

Anyway, so my boyfriend is flying in today, and we're very excited about that. I'm using my meal plan (dinner) to buy him a sub from the sub shop in Turner. I'm really nervous about him arriving, but very excited at the same time. I never know what's going to happen since he's shy. So, this will be interesting. Our two year anniversary is tomorrow. That's a big woo-hoo. Who would have thought that after giving up the pursuit of a relationship would land me a wonderful two year+ relationship?

Well, this is not really the point of why I am typing. I am typing this today because I bought a book, and I'm struggling with a few ideas.

First, the book. I bought Everything is Illuminated by Jonathan Safran Foer. I saw the movie. Loved the movie. Interested in the book. So I finally bought it. I'm loving it so far, even though I'm only 10 or so pages into the book.

Second, I'm struggling with a few ideas. The first of these ideas is the concept of being a Christian. For me, being a Christian is a lot more than going to church and being talked at by a pastor. Being a Christian is a lifestyle, and going to church is just a small part of that. Also, the idea and concept of church I feel is often misconstrued.

The idea that is giving me grief, is how many people here say they are Christian. The only evidence I hear of any one being Christian is that they went/go to church. It is terribly frustrating. I think it is wonderful that these kind people go to church, really I do, but I expect so much more from someone who calls themself Christian. I expect a radical faith that is non-existent in most here who call themselves Christian. I expect passion and knowledge and a thirst for the truth. Instead I find Ouiji boards and drinking. I expect prayer and fasting and a love for people. Discipline and meditation. All are seriously lacking.

So my heart breaks, because I have not found anyone with the same passion AND knowledge. There are some who I've seen who have a passion. Who are following Christ, but lack the sense of awe and ancient-ness of the Way. I am excited for them in their pursuits and pray that their searching grows them. I am seriously seeking for someone wiser, and deeper in their faith than I. Someone who knows theology and studies the word. I wish I was not so busy, because I really think I could find someone like that at RUF. I shall need to return there.

The second idea I've been struggling with for sometime. At least since June. This second idea almost sounds as if I do not believe in God, but I do. I'm just trying to get a grasp on the reason for my belief and pinpointing exactly how I can describe a believe in an all-powerful being without sounding ignorant and superstitious.

This summer I began a study on the characteristics of God. I'm going through the bible chapter by chapter and writing down and highlighting the attrubutes of God, similar to how one would do a character analysis in a literature class. It's really fascinating how much is revealed about God in one chapter. But as I was reading passages that I have read so many times before, with this new mindset, this new eye, I began to get confused and overwhelmed. And I began wondering more about the "what" of God than the "who". So, I've paused my characterizing of God and have been thinking about the "what" of God.

What is God?

And I've been really needing someone to work through that with. Which brings me back to the first struggle. I need someone to invest time with me and help me answer my questions and work through this.

I need someone wiser to guide me through my studies. I need someone to be there to answer the questions I have. Because right now I have books. Right now I have broad generalizations to specific questions.

And I want answers.

And I want discussion.

And I want the logical stimulation.

Because I have brain and a spirit that needs to be fed.