On Monday, March 9, four days before we were supposed to leave, we cancelled the trip.
On Thursday, we said goodbye to our college students as many of them went home for the remainder of the school year. (Most likely this was the only goodbye I will get in person with many of them as I will no longer be church staff in June).
By Saturday, my household made a commitment to extreme social distancing and prepared to stay home for the foreseeable future. In less than a week our lives completely changed. The lives of everyone in our world changed.
Slowly over the last few weeks I have been grieving what I thought would be:
On Thursday, we said goodbye to our college students as many of them went home for the remainder of the school year. (Most likely this was the only goodbye I will get in person with many of them as I will no longer be church staff in June).
By Saturday, my household made a commitment to extreme social distancing and prepared to stay home for the foreseeable future. In less than a week our lives completely changed. The lives of everyone in our world changed.
Slowly over the last few weeks I have been grieving what I thought would be:
I thought I was going to have ten more weeks with the students. I thought I was going to get one more Sidewalk Arts Festival. I thought I was going to get to have a big goodbye party with all my church family and friends in Savannah. In June, the plan was to move my belongings home and then travel the country for several months. I thought I would live for a month in New York City (more thoughts on NY for a different post). All of this was said, genuinely “Lord willing.” I had no idea what tomorrow would hold, but I certainly did not think we would be here.
“Look here, you who say, ‘Today or tomorrow we are going to a certain town and will stay there a year. We will do business there and make a profit. How do you know what you life will be like tomorrow? Your life is like the morning fog—here a little while, then its gone. What you ought to say is, “If the Lord wants us to, we will love and do this or that.” Otherwise you are boasting about your own plans, and all such boasting is evil.
Remember, it is sin to know what you ought to do and not do it.” -James 4:13-17, NLT
If we’re honest, most of us don’t live this way. Most of us make a plan, execute the plan, and move on to the next thing. We are taught in school to make 1-, 5-, and 10-year plans for ourselves. Set goals. Achieve them. Onto the next thing. We get into rhythms, and the days, weeks, months, and years fly by. We are rushing through the seasons.
And in a big way, we are all being confronted with that way of living, of constant forward motion. We are being forced to stay in our homes and stop. Our sense of certainty about the future has been challenged.
“So don’t worry about tomorrow, for tomorrow will bring its own worries. Today’s trouble is enough for today.” -Matthew 6:34, NLT
Our hope in this time isn’t that everything will suddenly get better. Our hope isn’t even a vaccine. Our hope is in Jesus Christ. What does that mean at a time like this?
Our hope in this time isn’t that everything will suddenly get better. Our hope isn’t even a vaccine. Our hope is in Jesus Christ. What does that mean at a time like this?
When I am working through a problem, any problem, I ask myself questions. I present my emotions and then challenge them. I take my thoughts captive by leading them along a path. During this time, these are the questions and answers I have been working through.
Am I okay? Are my physical needs met? Yes! Praise God!
How can I continue to take care of myself? Eat, sleep, exercise, drink lots of water, read God’s word, pray. Can do.
What do I do with my sadness? Journal and write out what I’m grieving. Turn it over to God. He has a different plan. Pray for the people who are suffering.
What do I do with my worry for those I love? Remember that God knows and loves them far more than we ever could. Trust Him. Pray for them. Our worry doesn’t change our circumstances, it isn’t proof that we care. We can care deeply, we can acknowledge risk without worrying. We surrender our fears to God, knowing He hears our prayers. Rest in His faithfulness.
How do I know God’s plans? I don’t. But I know God’s character. He is trustworthy and faithful. His plans are perfect. All his plans are for His glory and for my eternal good.
What if I suffer? God has said that for those who follow Him, He will never leave us or forsake us. Even if I suffer, I know He is with me. Jesus came and suffered as a man, so I know God can identify with me in my weakness. He has grace and mercy for me. He has given me His Spirit to dwell with me, our Comforter. We know that all suffering is temporary.
What if I die? My only hope in life and death is that I am not my own, but belong with body and soul, both in life and death to my faithful Savior Jesus Christ. He has fully paid for all my sins with his precious blood, and has set me free from all the power of the devil. He also preserves me in such a way that without the will of my Heavenly Father not a hair can fall from my head; indeed all things must work together for my salvation. Therefore, by his Holy Spirit he also assured me of eternal life and makes me heartily willing and ready from now on to live for him. (Thanks to the Heidelberg Catechism for this one). If I die, I go to be with the Lord. If I live, I live for Him. There is no losing for us here.
From those questions: How do we live for Him in this time? Will we be instructed by this time? We will quiet our souls and release our perceived control? Will we wake up each day and ask the Lord, “Lord, how would you have me use today?”
This has been the very heart of my blog from the beginning: Today is all we have. Today is the Lord’s and the fullness therein. How will we walk in obedience today? Rely on God’s grace for today? All of this takes on new and deeper meaning.
The reality is, we have no idea how long we will be confined to our homes. Our whole way of life has taken a sudden and abrupt change and there is no quick switch back. This time is not wasted. This time is not a pause on real life, this is our real and actual life right now. How we live right now says something about who we are and who we choose to be.
What do we do with these truths? We surrender our fears to God in worship. We lead our souls to surrender to Him and rest in His grace. I have been singing songs of lament to God, grieving the pain and the loss of life, the isolation of so many people.
What do we do with our changed plans? We serve a gracious God. We bring our grief for what we hoped would be to Him. We lay it as His feet and remind ourselves that our God works all things according to the counsel of His will for our good and His glory. We wait on the Lord and use each day for His glory.
How do we use our days? Rest in God. Use your time to meet the needs in your community. If you can sew, sew masks. If you can pray, pray for medical professionals, those who are sick, those who are working. If you can donate blood, schedule an appointment to do so. Read the news and be on the lookout for ways you can serve. Gather (digitally) with the people of God, through Sunday mornings, bible study groups, etc.
How should we feel in this time? We should feel a lot of things. Our feelings don’t rule us, but they are there as alerts. I have felt grief and sadness for those who are dying, for those suffering from starvation under strict rules, for those who are battling alone, for the doctors and nurses that are overwhelmed and undersupplied. I have felt weary and pained for my friends and family with health issues that have made social isolation more burdensome (especially those who struggle with depression, anxiety). I have felt frustrated with those who haven’t taken this seriously and have been taking actions that endanger their lives and the lives of those around them. I have felt happy and thankful to live in a beautiful home and to have quality time with my roommates whom I love. I have been grateful to talk with friends near and far. I have been peaceful to rest, clean and pack. I have felt strong and empowered to continue being able to work out.
I could keep going, but the point is: there is not one way to be. Obedience doesn’t mean we’re always happy. Obedience means no matter what emotion we are experiencing, we are bringing it before God. Be wise, be strong, be brave, be generous, be loving. We do not fight alone. Our King is seated on His throne and is coming again.
How should we feel in this time? We should feel a lot of things. Our feelings don’t rule us, but they are there as alerts. I have felt grief and sadness for those who are dying, for those suffering from starvation under strict rules, for those who are battling alone, for the doctors and nurses that are overwhelmed and undersupplied. I have felt weary and pained for my friends and family with health issues that have made social isolation more burdensome (especially those who struggle with depression, anxiety). I have felt frustrated with those who haven’t taken this seriously and have been taking actions that endanger their lives and the lives of those around them. I have felt happy and thankful to live in a beautiful home and to have quality time with my roommates whom I love. I have been grateful to talk with friends near and far. I have been peaceful to rest, clean and pack. I have felt strong and empowered to continue being able to work out.
I could keep going, but the point is: there is not one way to be. Obedience doesn’t mean we’re always happy. Obedience means no matter what emotion we are experiencing, we are bringing it before God. Be wise, be strong, be brave, be generous, be loving. We do not fight alone. Our King is seated on His throne and is coming again.
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